After a full week of being together, Suzanne and I had a meltdown this morning over lying. It's something that's serious to her, but to me it's not that big a deal. So I walked out this morning when she went to take MC to work. The issue is not we had planned to spend the day together and she agrees to take MC to work instead of telling him "no"; the issue is that I can't overcome my PA nature consistently, and I can't handle her overreactions to what I perceive as "irrelevant issues." Suzanne is here now and I need to talk with her...

Tonight was the Calvin Ball at UP Sem and it signaled the end of my relationship with Suzanne. It began when I was late coming from One Voice dress rehearsal, then we went to the BTSR party which she thought was at the school, then we had to pick up Mark Cooper, who I thought was at home, but was at work. Then she got pissed because Mar Cooper and I made fun of her; she forgave him and took it out on me. I walked out, and when she came out, she completely ignored me. She told me to leave her alone, she threw her keys and I left. I told her I never wanted to see her again,and I walked out; I kicked her van and put a nice dent in it. We love each other, but I guess we're not good for each other. I'm angry and frustrated; hurt and confused...another void to fill in my life; another woman gone; another relationship destroyed. Perhaps God wants us both to be alone; I thought about re-establishing a relationship with Brenda; it feels like a default, a fall back...Suzanne doesn't understand that I'm hurt as much she is when we have these fallouts...perhaps its just better to walk away and move forward...without each other. But I can't avoid the emptiness in my soul when we are in conflict. I thought I  thought I would never find anyone to replace Brenda in my life and I did with Suz...now I'm not sure I will find anyone to replace her...so she has ended it....so sad, so sad...

Keeping a blog is a difficult discipline for me, but I've inspired by my seminary friend, Mary Beth. During this semester, I've been keeping a spiritual journal for my Spirituality course. While I've not been consistent on a daily basis, this is a healthier venue to write, share frustrations or private thoughts opposed to Facebook. So....here I am, starting again...