I have not felt well the past two-three days; my muscles ache, head hurts, can't figure out my emotional status either. It could be the reading I've been doing the past week has tough to wrestle with and put in perspective. Machiavelli's focus on virtu and its characteristics; I fall so short in all those areas; I mean the "talent" that I am always complimented on, is not the same talent he is speaking off; flexibility is a characteristic I ignore because I view it as losing...I'm learning it know through my relationship with Suzanne. Then I move to Rohr, and I read that intimacy is something that I can't give away until I've experienced it...overshadowing all this is an empty mailbox every day this week...empty with no letter from BU; I'm beginning to resign myself to the fact that I'm not going to Boston, and I need to think about a different transition plan. I'm not sure BTSR is the place; I do need to move on...G&HT?,One Voice?, Suzanne? Will she wait for me? Will I for her? There's so much unknown that it's causing me to stress; what if I don't get accepted? Is there any reason to finish my program here?
There are so many questions, and I have so little patience....